carcaboso – jarilla



Day 38: 30 km’s

Today’s reflection: If you walk long enough, inevitably you see something, feel something, get somewhere…..



❤️ Yesterday’s dense feeling continues to pulse across this day’s walk. It is a low soft hum that accompanies me like an insistent child. I feel like swatting it away, but my hand just moves through air. Bugger off! Leave me be! At first, I try to ignore it, hoping it will just go away, dissolve into nothing…………but like the insistent child that it is, it just augments in pitch, and with each kilometre, I feel more and more frustrated because I cant seem to get a handle on knowing or understanding what it is or what it wants from me. I want to release it from its cage in my chest, so that I can be here, in this place (which is gorgeous), but while I mentally scrabble around searching for the key, the beauty of the landscape continues to slip past me, and the feeling just keeps sitting there -: an unwelcome passenger with its arms crossed -: a dry, surly lump, humming a song that I just dont understand.

I have no physical aches or pains. All is right in the world. I am in love with my life, with this place, with a man. Maybe that is the problem. The sun is shining. I am doing what I want to do. Could it be that the grass really is always greener?………Thoughts bounce around, and with each footstep, the desire to understand and rid myself of this sensation keeps hitting the stony ground, sending shocks ricocheting up my legs, into my guts, coming up hard against the impenetrable frustration of not being able to do anything about it.

All I can do is just keep walking. Keep watching the shadow before me. Stay in the footsteps.

Suddenly, I hear cranes, a great mass of them. In my wandering across Extremadura I have become quite familiar with the beguiling softness of their song. On this walk, I have fallen in love with them through that song. Now, I can hear the sounds getting louder and louder. They are in a field that I am walking towards. I stop and stand on the Earth and let the sound wash over me, slip into the crevices, penetrate the crust of the day’s frustration. Like medicine, it goes to work on the dry lump, dissolving it around the edges……..

………and with a RUSH! and a WHOOSH! I see an armada of cranes launch into the air in front of me, joyfully singing and swooping. Aaaaah! Here it comes! And there they go, unknowingly bringing me the gift of this moment, and this sight, and this sound. These are gifts that I will never forget as long as I live. Prised open by sweet gratitude for the effortless beauty of these graceful creatures, the chest plug comes loose. Emulating the pulsing mass of birds before me, emotion heaves the dryness upwards and outwards on the wings of my tears. Now, I am smiling from ear to ear. Thank you, my friends ❤️


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