the death of a tear….

IMG_2532

St Lucia, 2015

 

The other day, I was sitting at my desk, head in my hands, quietly reading, when something most bizarre happened. A tear committed suicide. Just like that. The naughty little shit just slipped out of my eye when I wasn’t looking, and before you know it, PLOP!!! SPLAT!!! It falls straight onto the page in front of me. Little bugger…………I was really shocked because that pesky group of tears have been locked up in solitary confinement for quite a while now, so I am not really sure how this one got out. Where were the guards? I must run some sort of an audit on the current security protocols because quite frankly, this just isn’t on. The worst thing, is that I swear I did not know it was there, hiding. Without me knowing. How frightening. How creepy. Sitting there, in the shadows, watching me, waiting to jump. How do I know that there aren’t more? Are the others still safely locked up? I have learned that tears are very sneaky that way. They are very good at hiding behind corners and creeping down dark corridors where nobody can see them. This crafty devil must have crept into my eye when I wasn’t looking and just sat there, waiting for the right moment to pop out…….I look down at the page, curious to see where the impertinent bastard has decided to fall……..I inspect the damage that has been done……Saltwater is already spreading out in a fuzzy circle, blurring the writer’s words underneath, muffling his voice so I can hear him no longer………

….When that is done, the meaning and the scope of interactivity become more significant. Any decrease or increase of neural activation within any given brain region may then be also an effect of the engagement of that area with another extra-neural resource (bodily or artifactual) that, although located outside the brain, can be seen as complementary and continuous with the brain…

This has got to be some sort of code. What was this suicidal tear trying to tell me?

………………..amazing i made it this far she has got some really strict controls going on up here i was so lucky to sneak out when she was not looking the truth is i am sick of this prison and not being able to talk and just being told to be silent by that psycho i would rather be dead but she keeps telling me to just be quiet and sit in the dark corner and all because i miss you you dont know it cant possibly know it not unless you can read minds or maybe you can feel my heart across space and time who knows but i miss you and when i close my eyes i see the breeze blowing the tree branches behind your head and i look down and there is that open blue shirt and the shape of your jaw and your warm hands and the shape of your body beneath that blue shirt and the lines around your eyes and it is all about this missing you this black monster but wait hang on a minute i have got so much good stuff going on at the moment i am working i am teaching i am researching i am reading i am living laughing smiling i am writing enjoying i am doing planning eating sleeping watching waiting waiting waiting yes but not the waiting fuck the waiting tired of the waiting waiting for what how can i wait for anything when the clock on the wall goes tick tock tick tock second after second hour after hour day after day week after week months years decades slipping away into nothingness lines and wrinkles grey hairs peeking out sprouting out from my eyebrows and from other places i did not even know existed like grass creeping ominously up and over tombstones as it all turns to dust and decay and here i sit waiting wasting waiting thinking of that blue shirt and the way your eyes look and where do you sit and what about her and what about him and what will she think and how do i fit into this picture and how will you do that and here i sit in australia like some kind of paralysed jellyfish no spine waiting and offering it all up to you on a platter this power that my mother gave me pushed out of her body with all her intention transferring it from the great mother into me along with all her hope and desire for me to do something with it so why do i wait why do i not just do do do dont be afraid she needs to know she needs to know this is no joke dont look down just step into the void…………………….dont be afraid of what she says just jump………….

…………and PLOP!!! SPLAT!!!!………..


the tear

has spoken.

leaving a suicide note,

a concentrated

drop of medicine,

an alarm bell…….

of sorts.

X

saltwater blood

sings the message

as it slowly spreads,

blurring black ink.

X

move away,

step away,

it sings merrily

as it dies on the page.

X

step

back into yourself.

into air and silence.

X

make space and air

your gift of love

to the other.

X

step

onto the earth,

feeling her strength

beneath your feet.

X

step

into me,

into the place where i live,

precious green

heart space,

sweet surrender

to the now.

X

let go of the “yours”

let go of the “mine”

simply allow.

X

step

out of the endless circle

of mindlessness,

simply allow.

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